remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
