I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
