During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
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