Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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I have surprise drugs for everyone
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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