I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
