Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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