i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
