hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
