If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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