My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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