that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We're too hungover to prance.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
