Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think people are normalizing furries
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
