I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We have started to decorate penises.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
