operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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