I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
