He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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