put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
