Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
