$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
