Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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