apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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