She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
