I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
