Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
