please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
