I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
