Swine flu. Run for my life!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
