Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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