Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
