I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
