I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
