Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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