i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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