if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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