John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
