never play flip cup with pint glasses
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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