I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Vodka?
Forever.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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