Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too