I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt