yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
