from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that