I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller