Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
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You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.