I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
