well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
