Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Randomize
