I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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