So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
