video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
