I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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