His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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