you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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