i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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