I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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