If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
