I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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