you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
