The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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