I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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organizing the empties. That sober.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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