yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
