dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
