On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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