Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
